Assessing your life!

Do you ever sit back and take inventory? I do. All the time. Probably too often.

Matt and I are coming up on our 8th anniversary (which means we made it successfully through the 7 year itch – YEAH!) We sat on the couch a couple of nights ago talking and taking inventory. I love those kind of conversations and Matt’s learning that they are very helpful!

When looking ahead to the rest of this year we want to intentionally spend more time alone together, more time alone as a family (without friends), and more time alone doing our individual hobbies. I saw an episode of Oprah a while back. (Note: I’m not a regular viewer but sometimes I’m flipping and watch a show or part of one!) It was on married couples keeping tabs on each other and exchanging “time” for what they want to do. I don’t like that. I want to bless Matt and encourage him to have fun in other ways (kayaking, fishing, going out with the boys etc.) and I want him to do the same for me (letting me go shopping alone and hang out with the girls). I don’t want to “owe” him. I want to do it because I love him and want us to have well rounded lives. AND I truly believe that giving each other time away means we love being with the family when we’re together. Do you know what I mean?

He could look at me and say “You get to do what ever you want you’re home all day!” and I could look at him and say “You’re out all day having fun you need to be at home!” But, I’d rather we ask each other how we can bless the other…so if we do go out, there’s no guilt! I don’t know if anyone else struggles with this but, I think it’s a normal family life thing.

I want to be more in love with Matt this time next year then I am right now. I believe the way that’s going to happen is to: spend “hobby time” apart and intentional time together. What do you think? Got any ideas on the subject? Remember I’m not a marriage counselor just a wife and mom blogging about my thoughts!

www.noemiphotography.com

Maria - June 5, 2008 - 11:57 am

Hi! I have read your blog for awhile because I am a photojournalist and had been looking at doing more wedding photography. Anyway, my husband and I have two little boys and live far away from any family (and moved to our current East Coast location less than a year ago), so we have to be creative in getting time together.

We set up a date night once a week. Every Saturday night, with very few exceptions, we have our “date.” The kids are in bed before 7:30 and we cook a dinner together we pick out earlier from one of our cookbooks. We also plan a good dessert.

We have no background TV, no internet, no phones. Then we eat dinner and play a board game, talk or watch a movie if we decide we want a movie night.

Once a month we hire a babysitter and leave the house, but we like our at home dates just as well. It has helped us to get to have the conversations we had when we were dating and just married and to get to rediscover each other’s interests and likes and dislikes as we grow and change as individuals and as a couple.

Good luck!

amanda buck - June 5, 2008 - 2:43 pm

i’ve been following your blog pretty regularly since hearing of the morrison sextuplets, but i’m also working towards pursuing my own photography business(something i’ve loved doing since childhood)so your blog has been extrememly helpful. i found this entry interesting. my husband and i have been married for almost 5 years and have a 2yr. old boy, and we are firm believers to having our “own time”. i’ve always been supportive of him hanging out with the guys, his annual boundary water trips, etc. and he has always been supportive of my shopping trips, visits with the girls, and trips home by myself. i whole heartedly believe that this is what makes a marriage work. you need your own time. i also have a psychology degree so i know a dependent relationship is not healthy, it’s the interdependent ones that work. very interesting, i just had to comment.
amanda,
duluth, mn

Julie - June 5, 2008 - 7:48 pm

We are coming up on our 8th anniversary too! I laughed about you mentioning the “7 year itch”. I think that our 7th year was our hardest year. We have kids now, we have both been at our current career situation for 4 years (longer then we have ever been at one place due to school, moves etc), and we just feel like we are getting old. So we decided to train for (and complete) a triathlon together! It is so fun to be a little competitive again and to something like that together. And let me tell you, preparing for a triathlon is not about the kids! It lets us focus on ourselves and each other for a change! 2 months to the race…

KS Dallas - June 6, 2008 - 11:12 am

You are right on target. It is not about what someone owes the other one. It is about being happy and making each other happy and sometimes that means getting away for a short time.

I have seen people get into a relationship and dump their friends because they want to spend all their time with this new love. Well, when it doesn’t work out because they have driven each other crazy – they have no one to talk to.

I hope you reach that goal next year and I think you will!

KS

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