Something different from anything I’ve ever written on my blog before! I love being random! I got this list from a friend. These are some of the winners from The Washington Post’s yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists..
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,
when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year’s winners:
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn’t get it.
Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n..): The frantic dance performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you’re eating.
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by Noemi
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